Line book!

[Antipodean Andy]

A bit of a funny one but a real story from The Rats of Rangoon:

A raid on Rangoon in about March '45 sees B-29s cruise over the gaol and back. A lone B-29 comes along shortly afterwards. "That'll be the photo recce or the general", says one of the Yanks. Suddenly there's a rush of bombs and series of explosions. "Yes", says another, "he just dropped his camera."

[morse1001]

Creation - The Australian ve
I In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach
and BBQ's







He created night for going prawning, sleeping
.

and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On theSecond Day, God created water - for surfing,

swimming and BBQ's on the beach ,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fourth Day God created animals
and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.


On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good ... ... Well .. Almost good.

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, To cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good. It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!



IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!!

[CTNana]

This is worrying

Beer contains female hormones
Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a
Recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women .
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour
Period.


It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally.

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.
Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer!

[CTNana]

I apologise in advance. This is so unPC but it does make me chuckle!

There I was on my way to work.

Getting into a fight was the furthest thing from my mind. It wasn't even on the horizon. I was in a great mood.

And then...

I rear-ended a car.

So there we are, at the side of the road and, slowly the driver gets out of the car... and you know how you just get sooo stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Well, I couldn't believe it... the driver was a dwarf!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

And that's when the fight started.

[CTNana]

And so is this but sooooo true!

Three Men on a Hike



Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man
prayed:

'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'



Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.



After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'



Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing.



Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'



Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

[Kitty]

Teehee and indeed snigger

[Ferhilt]

So a man gets audited by the IRS because his taxes report he has way to much money for what he could possibly be making without a job.

He hires a lawyer and goes into the IRS office to meet with the agent.

Agent: I see on your tax return that you are reporting a lot of income but you dont have a job, how could that be?

Man: I am a terrific better.

Agent: Come on, no one is THAT good a better.

Man: I am really! Look I bet you $3000 that I can bite my eye.

Agent: *thinks for a minute* OK let me see it.

So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it.

*Agent grumbles* OK you got me on that one, but it still doesn't really explain.

Man: OK I bet you another $3000 I can bite my other eye.

The Agent knows this guy isn't blind because he is getting around just fine so he agrees.

So the man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye.

The agent is thinking hard and looking pretty unsettled because he is now out $6000 which he doesn't want to have to explain to his job nor his wife.

The man speaks up and says: You look like a nice guy so I will bet you double or nothing that I can stand on the edge of your desk and pee over it into your garbage can without getting a drop on your desk.

The agent thinks for a second and realizes it is his way out, the guy has no chance of winning without getting a drop on his 8' desk.

So the guy gets up on the agents desk, unzips and tries with all his might to make it over the desk, but end up failing miserably and pees all over the desk.

The IRS Agent lifts his arms and cheers I WON!

Then he looks over and notices the lawyer with his shaking head in hands and asks: "Whats the matter with you?"

The lawyer replies slowly still shaking his head: "On the way over here this guy bet me $25,000 that he could pee all over your desk and you would be happy about it."

[Kitty]

[CTNana]

Many a true word etc. etc.

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?


















Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down















The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly !

[Kitty]

Probably only funny for us weirdo Sci-Fi geeks, but what the hell.....

corellian.jpg

starpit.jpg